Over it

     I’ve had plenty of fun in my life. I have had wonderful bright shiny moments, great sex, academic accomplishment , spiritual oneness etc.  But nothing so quietly and completely fulfilling as seeing my son sleeping safe and sound, happy and well fed. I have finally discovered work worth doing. Being a mom is that work. If I had a job offer for 200,000 per year, but it would take me away from my son, I would decline. There is my conundrum. I need income to provide security for him , but I cannot bring myself to leave him. There are parents that work outside the home, whether a pair or single, everyone is supposed to ‘pull their weight’. I cannot argue this sentiment, because it was my own before I had my son. However, when I finally did quit the part-time job I held, stress and fear I ignored stopped gnawing at me. How do I remain available for my son and chase the damned dollar? Win the lottery? Hah! Nope! I tried to do that. Really I prayed and concentrated all my ‘positive’ thoughts, I was receptive and convinced that my wish was an honorable one and hence the powers that be would grant it. Then I considered homeless families, I considered war torn countries and knew, that strong desire, honorable dreams, fervent wishes are not enough. So now what? Now what? 

     Here is my theory. We women of the world, who believe there is no more important job than raising children, must ban together. We need to live together, share a single household to halve(at least) the expenses, to exchange child care responsibilities, to offer each other respite, to combine our individual skills and function like a small society. We must. To continue to wait for the knight, or a life-saving government sponsored program is just irresponsible. We have all that we need to go forward.  So where are you kindred spirits? I know there are not many women who will see the potential in this, I sound like a new aged hippie, but think about it.  College students by way of frat houses and roommates do this all the time. Technically, it is what married couples do, come together for a common goal.  Don’t panic ladies; I am not seeking to marry you. I am saying that cooperative living for one to five years may grant us the financial lee way to save for a home; it may grant us the support and resources to offer tutoring, piano lessons, art classes, visits to museums, all the ‘non’ essentials(?) that build character and self-worth. We can do this. Where are my kindred moms?

    Look at the price of rental homes. I pay 625 per month by myself. I found 5 bedroom houses, some with a yard, basement and porch for under 1000.  One hundred plus dollars already saved if I share with one other mother. We can swap childcare instead of paying the equivalent of a mortgage to day care centers. We can split utility cost. We can share chores. … Ugh!  Am I talking to my-self in the age of independent women?

     We can occupy Wall Street and Center City in the hopes that big wigs will share the wealth, but can we share? We can complain that the American Dream has turned into a never ending nightmare (because who among has Ever experienced Enough), but can we wake up and stop expecting solutions without compromise, without fundamental change?

I get it. Autonomy and privacy are major issues. They were my clarion call for 7 years. I’m over it because the price is over my head.

No Longer Torn

     The sisters who responded to my original post called ‘Torn’, which I am now responding to, were very gentle with me. Neither of them told me to stop whining and take a realistic look around. Every community has problems, even the pretty ones with no litter, two car garages, and well-spoken parents. If I see a problem in my community, in my home, it is my responsibility to address it, not mourn or run.  

   Three separate conversations on a social website brought me face to face with my own elitism. I read the opinions of my peers and was disturbed to hear the whole, ‘Pull your-self up by the boot straps’ argument, as though it was new.I was saddened to hear my neighborhood referred to as an empty husk, my neighbors (and myself) written off for lost.  I also saw a video written and produced by North Philadelphia teens addressing violence. There were no solutions expressed, just thin hope and the repetitive blame placed on parents and lack of social programs. These are all the same issues that existed when I was teen. These are all the same reasons, the same disgust. Something has to give. I am considering a radically different approach to healing these ills, beginning with the illusion that I am not part of the problem.

Book Review

     I just read a book called ‘When Rocks Cry Out ‘by Horace Butler.  I could start by tossing around a bunch of overused adjectives and superlatives but I hate that. When I ‘m reading a book review, I want to know about the book.  Spoiler Alert!

     This book will challenge your ability to think for yourself. You see there are no endorsements from academic celebrities. There is not a title of authority preceding the author’s name. What he presents are well organized, verifiable facts that challenge the long accepted location of biblical Jerusalem, Israel, and Egypt as we know it. Get a World map, a Bible and a chronological timeline of historical events and follow him step by step, page by page to the continent of South America.

 It’s on you, the reader to determine if these calculations are feasible. This information is not brought to you by McDonald’s, AT&T or Disney. No conglomerates. Read it. Challenge it. I dare you.

    Before my beloved Neo-Semi-Pan Africans start getting nervous that Mr. Butler is attempting to take our beloved Egypt ‘away’ by relocating it, take a deep breath and continue reading the book. Egypt does not change hands.

     So what Does this mean? Can the Middle-East stop fighting over the Holy Land, because it’s not the Holy Land? Does it mean that Egypt was once a world power rather than a stationary African anomaly? Doesn’t it make sense that a culture we recognize as mathematical, philosophical, metaphysical forefathers would have the wherewithal to navigate the oceans and seas?  Did not the Pharaohs and Moses demonstrate a mastery of the element of water? Is it really a stretch of the imagination to consider that the currents were used (much as we use land highways and roads) to travel to and fro?

    There is a piece of the puzzle that baffles me still. Where did the knowledge of a civilization, functioning on such a high level, go? I understand, books were destroyed and monuments were leveled etc., but what of oral history. Have we been told but ethnocentricity prevents our understanding and blinds us to the (picture) writing on the walls?

  

    Read it and tell me what you think.

      

Before you read another self-help book.

     Consider this:

It becomes awfully tempting to sit in contemplation, perfecting ones’ thoughts.

It is time and energy consuming to constantly monitor and edit inner dialogue to match a Disney script. If you are having a good day, you are in the 'vortex', the coaching is working. If you are having a bad day, then you are not trying hard enough.There is no measurable product. (No Refunds) No control group.

     Do factory workers read self-help and suddenly aspire to become physicist?

     Do prostitutes get a hold of 'The Secret' and become stars of the silver screen instead?

      I have not heard such stories, but these are the stories that need to be told. Christ’s disciples went from laymen to healers and scholars. There was proof of transformation. I’ve been in the 'vortex' for months now .Every other month I am forced to come out of La-La land, make a decision, ask a favor, sell a painting, to hold me over till my vortex dreams manifest. Why? Because I believed Esther and Jerry Hicks. I believed a collective of intelligent benevolent spirits called Abraham were speaking through Esther? Actually no, I just believed Eshter. She sounded like Louise Hay, Iyanla Vanzant, Susan Breathnach and the plethora of other self-help lullabies I'd listened to.

     I cannot say it is the intention of self-help gurus to keep populations in a state of limbo, yet it is what I continually witness from those who adore and quote Abraham, The Secret etc,. These folks are not suddenly living without fear, taking bolder chances, discovering cures or becoming ambassadors for the voiceless. There are two noticeable products of self-help books and seminars, individuals who now paste a smile on their shitty days and those who become motivational speakers themselves.

 The sales of self-help books increased 96% between 1991 and 1996. How is that working for us? Any rags to riches stories of students who became anything other than hype-men, cheerleaders in business suits?

The author of 48 laws of power could not keep a job. By his own count, he had 80!  But Black men read that book, pass it around and refer to it as if light were pouring from its pages. Mind you, I’ve seen these same brothers after the book is read, still riding a bike, still a short order cook, still not a father to their children, eyes glazed over, minds filled with dreams of intrigue and deception.

At no point have I ever read of one of these gurus of positive thinking (nor their pupils) becoming a brain surgeon or astronaut, thanks to the application of the strategies taught. Nor have I been able to find an example of a single person so empowered by the ‘law of attraction’, visualizations and affirmations, that they fearlessly dedicate their lives to ending reoccurring crimes against humanity such as child prostitution and genocide. If one can think themselves out of oppression, deplorable work conditions, and yes, even natural disasters, why aren’t these fearless masters of the universe applying their alchemy where it counts?

I don’t know the answer to that yet. What I do know is this. These sermons of perpetual positivity ring true and feel wonderful. I believe because the message IS true and resonates in our spirits. The problem is the pep talks are only half truth, the pep rally adrenaline wears off. In sports the hype before the game comes after the grueling sacrifice of training and unwavering focus. Successful people Act. They push their bodies and minds to new plateaus. There is pain. The pain of sacrifice is necessary to carve a place for our bounty. In the same way that humanity inhales and exhales, there must be give and take. Perhaps because I am a woman, my monthly cycle reminds me every 28 days that life and death hold hands. I tried for years to just stay positive. It is an unnatural and unyielding state.

A response to 'Moral Minima'

     Lenn Goodman argues that there are certain things that are simply wrong, for everyone, regardless of culture, but each example she provides for universal moral standards are couched in specific cultural values. I understand the danger of relativism. It seems to make the citizens of earth perpetual strangers with no common ground for conduct. How can we engage one another for any extended period of time if there are no boundaries, nothing impermissible? If every act is considered sacred and protected by the culture it sprang from, there would be chaos indeed. Here is the problem: If there are absolutes that transcend culture, who of us is equipped to stand outside of our own cultural context to identify them?(Week One Cultural Anthropology) Objectivity would be the suggested antidote to pluralism, tribalism, relativism, but objectivity is itself a cultural phenomenon, resplendent with its own attributes and flaws.

     It is not that I disagree with the things she listed as crimes. I agree. But I am American. I have no context but this environment, this education, these values and these fears. I recognize that my ken does span the globe, past present and future.

      The areas she touched on were: (1) genocide, politically induced famine, and germ warfare; (2) terrorism, hostage taking, and child warriors; (3) slavery, polygamy, and incest; and (4) rape and female genital cutting. ( page 88 Moral Minima)  Would I be correct in saying that these are all violations of purported western values? Did she deem a single ideology from one of the many cultures we have studied since the inception of anthropology, worthy of mention? Was there nothing worth adopting, such as a reverence for Earth?  The message is that the west is capable of speaking for the good of all mankind. I’m not buying it.

    In retrospect, would genocide have been the appropriate response to the ‘settlers’ of Turtle Island? Are 18 year old soldiers, who are not represented by a vote in this country, considered child warriors?  Capitalism requires a working class of people who have nothing but their own labor to sell for sustenance, does that constitute slavery? Are the breasts considered reproductive organs, and is their mutilation a crime? These examples make it clear that relativism is not a cleverly disguised excuse developed by genius villains to encourage extreme criminal or anti-social behavior. We live relativism every day or perhaps we, western culture, are meant to be the only exception to the rule. When in Rome do as the Romans do. When in Japan, do as the Romans do. When in Indonesia, do as the Romans do. When in Africa, do as the Romans do. This is where the masquerade of universalism leads. I reiterate because no value that the West has not sponsored is represented in these crimes against humanity. Creating a chemical, corporation, or technology that violates the well-being of the planet would be a crime if Any other culture’s core value system was represented.

     To have moral codes aka laws, one needs a moral authority, and moral enforcers. Who, pray tell might that be? If ‘I’ define morality and reserve the right to redefine morality by the authority of Academia or God Himself , ‘You’ will forever fall short. The use of the word universal is arrogant, aggressive and presumptive. Far worse than that it criminalizes entire cultures that came into existence organically, maintained their existence organically, prior to anthropological, religious, social, health, and economic intervention. We forget that while we market ourselves as progressive, civilized, and universal, our model has not proven effective for us. Pornography, pedophilia, incest, rape, slavery, and the degradation of women are a part of the very fabric of the west. Read our fiction, it will tell you what our history and text books will not. Our minds dwell in despair. Our bodies are ill with obesity and cancer. Our prisons are overrun. We have displaced our elderly yet, we would seek to study, nay define, the standard for human conduct. If humanity is to have this conversation let us take into account what is sacred amongst all the known cultures. Let us consider that we are not the mediators of such a forum but contributors along with the other citizens of Earth.

This is not yet edited for submission to class. All references are not included. If you would like references, comment and I will update the post. Thank You.

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She Rocks!

  

  If you have not seen the Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, you must stop what you are doing (including reading this) and go to the website www.awkwardblackgirl.com immediately. Issa Rae is my hero. She is doing what I aspire to do with this blog, which is to use Internet 2.0 to tell the story of the (this) girl next door. Thanks to the internet a black girl does not need to look or behave… a 'certain' way to be seen. We can show ourselves, tell our own stories. We can redefine popular culture, stretch it to include us. We can connect with, look up to, sympathize, empathize, and identify with someone who not only looks familiar but feels familiar. Though I would not describe myself as awkward I found myself saying ‘me too’ during each episode. Check it out, show some love, donate if you can, like the page on Facebook and last but not least, lets tell our stories.

    Oh and Ms. Rae, if by some chance you read this, I recognize that it takes no small amount of courage to be yourself, love and respect yourself enough to reveal a woman so vulnerable and vibrant. I Thank you.

Conflicting desires

      I wanted to be self-sufficient, well-off, independent, healthy, happy and whole. I also wanted someone to save me, to demonstrate love by coming to my rescue. But how could I be rescued without being in despair, in need?  I have known for quite some time that I am capable, yet I sat in constructed drama so that my knight would know me, so that he would recognize ‘the damsel in distress’ and be moved to become my savior. I’m not the only one right? Isn’t this is why we costume ourselves in vulnerability? Short hair would be easier, but men don’t like that. I’ve got to walk to and fro and I knew that when I put these stilts/ heels on. It is hot as Hades but I’m in full regalia (makeup, jewelry, etc.)…Look at me. I am ripe. Look at me I am falling from the tree….Come on! Man! Catch me.

     I think I am at last willing to let one of these wishes go. Check in occasionally and I’ll let you know how things are progressing.