I’ve had plenty of fun in my life. I have had wonderful bright shiny moments, great sex, academic accomplishment , spiritual oneness etc. But nothing so quietly and completely fulfilling as seeing my son sleeping safe and sound, happy and well fed. I have finally discovered work worth doing. Being a mom is that work. If I had a job offer for 200,000 per year, but it would take me away from my son, I would decline. There is my conundrum. I need income to provide security for him , but I cannot bring myself to leave him. There are parents that work outside the home, whether a pair or single, everyone is supposed to ‘pull their weight’. I cannot argue this sentiment, because it was my own before I had my son. However, when I finally did quit the part-time job I held, stress and fear I ignored stopped gnawing at me. How do I remain available for my son and chase the damned dollar? Win the lottery? Hah! Nope! I tried to do that. Really I prayed and concentrated all my ‘positive’ thoughts, I was receptive and convinced that my wish was an honorable one and hence the powers that be would grant it. Then I considered homeless families, I considered war torn countries and knew, that strong desire, honorable dreams, fervent wishes are not enough. So now what? Now what?
Here is my theory. We women of the world, who believe there is no more important job than raising children, must ban together. We need to live together, share a single household to halve(at least) the expenses, to exchange child care responsibilities, to offer each other respite, to combine our individual skills and function like a small society. We must. To continue to wait for the knight, or a life-saving government sponsored program is just irresponsible. We have all that we need to go forward. So where are you kindred spirits? I know there are not many women who will see the potential in this, I sound like a new aged hippie, but think about it. College students by way of frat houses and roommates do this all the time. Technically, it is what married couples do, come together for a common goal. Don’t panic ladies; I am not seeking to marry you. I am saying that cooperative living for one to five years may grant us the financial lee way to save for a home; it may grant us the support and resources to offer tutoring, piano lessons, art classes, visits to museums, all the ‘non’ essentials(?) that build character and self-worth. We can do this. Where are my kindred moms?
Look at the price of rental homes. I pay 625 per month by myself. I found 5 bedroom houses, some with a yard, basement and porch for under 1000. One hundred plus dollars already saved if I share with one other mother. We can swap childcare instead of paying the equivalent of a mortgage to day care centers. We can split utility cost. We can share chores. … Ugh! Am I talking to my-self in the age of independent women?
We can occupy Wall Street and Center City in the hopes that big wigs will share the wealth, but can we share? We can complain that the American Dream has turned into a never ending nightmare (because who among has Ever experienced Enough), but can we wake up and stop expecting solutions without compromise, without fundamental change?
I get it. Autonomy and privacy are major issues. They were my clarion call for 7 years. I’m over it because the price is over my head.
