Before you read another self-help book.

     Consider this:

It becomes awfully tempting to sit in contemplation, perfecting ones’ thoughts.

It is time and energy consuming to constantly monitor and edit inner dialogue to match a Disney script. If you are having a good day, you are in the 'vortex', the coaching is working. If you are having a bad day, then you are not trying hard enough.There is no measurable product. (No Refunds) No control group.

     Do factory workers read self-help and suddenly aspire to become physicist?

     Do prostitutes get a hold of 'The Secret' and become stars of the silver screen instead?

      I have not heard such stories, but these are the stories that need to be told. Christ’s disciples went from laymen to healers and scholars. There was proof of transformation. I’ve been in the 'vortex' for months now .Every other month I am forced to come out of La-La land, make a decision, ask a favor, sell a painting, to hold me over till my vortex dreams manifest. Why? Because I believed Esther and Jerry Hicks. I believed a collective of intelligent benevolent spirits called Abraham were speaking through Esther? Actually no, I just believed Eshter. She sounded like Louise Hay, Iyanla Vanzant, Susan Breathnach and the plethora of other self-help lullabies I'd listened to.

     I cannot say it is the intention of self-help gurus to keep populations in a state of limbo, yet it is what I continually witness from those who adore and quote Abraham, The Secret etc,. These folks are not suddenly living without fear, taking bolder chances, discovering cures or becoming ambassadors for the voiceless. There are two noticeable products of self-help books and seminars, individuals who now paste a smile on their shitty days and those who become motivational speakers themselves.

 The sales of self-help books increased 96% between 1991 and 1996. How is that working for us? Any rags to riches stories of students who became anything other than hype-men, cheerleaders in business suits?

The author of 48 laws of power could not keep a job. By his own count, he had 80!  But Black men read that book, pass it around and refer to it as if light were pouring from its pages. Mind you, I’ve seen these same brothers after the book is read, still riding a bike, still a short order cook, still not a father to their children, eyes glazed over, minds filled with dreams of intrigue and deception.

At no point have I ever read of one of these gurus of positive thinking (nor their pupils) becoming a brain surgeon or astronaut, thanks to the application of the strategies taught. Nor have I been able to find an example of a single person so empowered by the ‘law of attraction’, visualizations and affirmations, that they fearlessly dedicate their lives to ending reoccurring crimes against humanity such as child prostitution and genocide. If one can think themselves out of oppression, deplorable work conditions, and yes, even natural disasters, why aren’t these fearless masters of the universe applying their alchemy where it counts?

I don’t know the answer to that yet. What I do know is this. These sermons of perpetual positivity ring true and feel wonderful. I believe because the message IS true and resonates in our spirits. The problem is the pep talks are only half truth, the pep rally adrenaline wears off. In sports the hype before the game comes after the grueling sacrifice of training and unwavering focus. Successful people Act. They push their bodies and minds to new plateaus. There is pain. The pain of sacrifice is necessary to carve a place for our bounty. In the same way that humanity inhales and exhales, there must be give and take. Perhaps because I am a woman, my monthly cycle reminds me every 28 days that life and death hold hands. I tried for years to just stay positive. It is an unnatural and unyielding state.

A response to 'Moral Minima'

     Lenn Goodman argues that there are certain things that are simply wrong, for everyone, regardless of culture, but each example she provides for universal moral standards are couched in specific cultural values. I understand the danger of relativism. It seems to make the citizens of earth perpetual strangers with no common ground for conduct. How can we engage one another for any extended period of time if there are no boundaries, nothing impermissible? If every act is considered sacred and protected by the culture it sprang from, there would be chaos indeed. Here is the problem: If there are absolutes that transcend culture, who of us is equipped to stand outside of our own cultural context to identify them?(Week One Cultural Anthropology) Objectivity would be the suggested antidote to pluralism, tribalism, relativism, but objectivity is itself a cultural phenomenon, resplendent with its own attributes and flaws.

     It is not that I disagree with the things she listed as crimes. I agree. But I am American. I have no context but this environment, this education, these values and these fears. I recognize that my ken does span the globe, past present and future.

      The areas she touched on were: (1) genocide, politically induced famine, and germ warfare; (2) terrorism, hostage taking, and child warriors; (3) slavery, polygamy, and incest; and (4) rape and female genital cutting. ( page 88 Moral Minima)  Would I be correct in saying that these are all violations of purported western values? Did she deem a single ideology from one of the many cultures we have studied since the inception of anthropology, worthy of mention? Was there nothing worth adopting, such as a reverence for Earth?  The message is that the west is capable of speaking for the good of all mankind. I’m not buying it.

    In retrospect, would genocide have been the appropriate response to the ‘settlers’ of Turtle Island? Are 18 year old soldiers, who are not represented by a vote in this country, considered child warriors?  Capitalism requires a working class of people who have nothing but their own labor to sell for sustenance, does that constitute slavery? Are the breasts considered reproductive organs, and is their mutilation a crime? These examples make it clear that relativism is not a cleverly disguised excuse developed by genius villains to encourage extreme criminal or anti-social behavior. We live relativism every day or perhaps we, western culture, are meant to be the only exception to the rule. When in Rome do as the Romans do. When in Japan, do as the Romans do. When in Indonesia, do as the Romans do. When in Africa, do as the Romans do. This is where the masquerade of universalism leads. I reiterate because no value that the West has not sponsored is represented in these crimes against humanity. Creating a chemical, corporation, or technology that violates the well-being of the planet would be a crime if Any other culture’s core value system was represented.

     To have moral codes aka laws, one needs a moral authority, and moral enforcers. Who, pray tell might that be? If ‘I’ define morality and reserve the right to redefine morality by the authority of Academia or God Himself , ‘You’ will forever fall short. The use of the word universal is arrogant, aggressive and presumptive. Far worse than that it criminalizes entire cultures that came into existence organically, maintained their existence organically, prior to anthropological, religious, social, health, and economic intervention. We forget that while we market ourselves as progressive, civilized, and universal, our model has not proven effective for us. Pornography, pedophilia, incest, rape, slavery, and the degradation of women are a part of the very fabric of the west. Read our fiction, it will tell you what our history and text books will not. Our minds dwell in despair. Our bodies are ill with obesity and cancer. Our prisons are overrun. We have displaced our elderly yet, we would seek to study, nay define, the standard for human conduct. If humanity is to have this conversation let us take into account what is sacred amongst all the known cultures. Let us consider that we are not the mediators of such a forum but contributors along with the other citizens of Earth.

This is not yet edited for submission to class. All references are not included. If you would like references, comment and I will update the post. Thank You.

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She Rocks!

  

  If you have not seen the Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, you must stop what you are doing (including reading this) and go to the website www.awkwardblackgirl.com immediately. Issa Rae is my hero. She is doing what I aspire to do with this blog, which is to use Internet 2.0 to tell the story of the (this) girl next door. Thanks to the internet a black girl does not need to look or behave… a 'certain' way to be seen. We can show ourselves, tell our own stories. We can redefine popular culture, stretch it to include us. We can connect with, look up to, sympathize, empathize, and identify with someone who not only looks familiar but feels familiar. Though I would not describe myself as awkward I found myself saying ‘me too’ during each episode. Check it out, show some love, donate if you can, like the page on Facebook and last but not least, lets tell our stories.

    Oh and Ms. Rae, if by some chance you read this, I recognize that it takes no small amount of courage to be yourself, love and respect yourself enough to reveal a woman so vulnerable and vibrant. I Thank you.

Conflicting desires

      I wanted to be self-sufficient, well-off, independent, healthy, happy and whole. I also wanted someone to save me, to demonstrate love by coming to my rescue. But how could I be rescued without being in despair, in need?  I have known for quite some time that I am capable, yet I sat in constructed drama so that my knight would know me, so that he would recognize ‘the damsel in distress’ and be moved to become my savior. I’m not the only one right? Isn’t this is why we costume ourselves in vulnerability? Short hair would be easier, but men don’t like that. I’ve got to walk to and fro and I knew that when I put these stilts/ heels on. It is hot as Hades but I’m in full regalia (makeup, jewelry, etc.)…Look at me. I am ripe. Look at me I am falling from the tree….Come on! Man! Catch me.

     I think I am at last willing to let one of these wishes go. Check in occasionally and I’ll let you know how things are progressing.

    

Always Connected

      I told my best friend of 16 years that I need some space. We live 8 hours apart but the internet and cell phones make it impossible to naturally grow in different directions (even temporarily) without proclamation and explanation.

     We talked on the phone every day for hours. We sometimes talked and instant messaged at the same time.  I ran every thought by her. Soon, she (and some other Facebook friends) just took up residence in my head. I found myself considering the imagined input of others as I shaped my own thoughts. And I began to pimp myself, needing every status update/conversation to be profound, funny, informative, or biting.

      I did not see the detrimental effect of constant communication until I almost failed my computer literacy class. I found the class challenging so I had to restructure my priorities and how I spent my days. I plugged up the many social cavities from which my energy was pouring. I sent my best friend a text attributing  my sudden silence to the demands of that particular class. I felt a difference in my peace of mind. I became more physically active. I finally started this blog (which requires that I finish my thoughts and sort out my own convictions) I’m socializing with family and friends face to face, I go to sleep smiling, and I managed to pass the class! So when the class ended I did not resume our usual interaction. Instead I continued to taper down on Facebook and left my cell phone off.

    Tonight I received a brief ‘goodbye’ message that ended with 'take care of yourself!'
    
    
    

   

   

   

   

    

Chasing Autism 4: Autism is NOT

Autism is not

A new, politically correct, way to say ‘mental retardation’

A spoiled child

The result of poor parenting

   These children, who grow up to be autistic adults, think differently. They are not wired the same as ‘neuro-typical’ people, nor are they wired the same as each other. You would need to get to know an autistic individual specifically to gain any useful insight. Reading books about the spectrum, watching videos on youtube is helpful but not always applicable.For example: My son is verbal, but his words are chunks of scripts, he does not choose words for their specific meanings. One would need to be around Kal’el to know that a ‘stand back’ is the oven, a ‘don’t touch it’ is the computer, or ‘Come on. Get some drawers on!’ means: pull yourself together.  I have not read anything that prepared me for this communication style.

   It is only from being around my son when he picks up and tries out these phrases that I know his intentions and can nudge him toward a more universally understood verbal response. One night in a dance class, I did not understand. My son cried and screamed repeatedly ‘that’s too loud’. I thought the drums were too loud, so I grabbed our belongings, Kal'el's hand and made my way to the exit. He pulled away from me, still screaming ‘That’s too loud!’ I sat in the hallway with tears in my eyes because I wanted to dance and thought my son would enjoy the class but he was having a melt-down instead. I was emotionally exhausted from isolation but also angry with the adults who looked at us and shook their heads then averted their eyes. Come to find out ‘That’s too loud” was a drum. He wanted to drum.

   ....and drum he did.

   In order to know what autism IS, you will have to invest your time and attention in relating to people on the spectrum. Books and other second hand sources wont cut it.

  

Seventeen... +20

      I am discovering that much of what I thought was my talent, personality, charm, luck, sexiness and energy, was actually youth. Now that I am 17 plus 20, I have to figure out which parts of me remain. I mean, was I ever smart, witty or sensual or was I just 17? Was I ever generous, forgiving, and brave, or was I just 17?

    All these years I thought myself to be a social butterfly. Not. All this time I thought I was a free – spirit. Not. And I really and truly believed myself to have above average intelligence. LOL. That may be the biggest ‘Not’ of all.

    I hope this does not sound sad, because I do not feel sad. I am curious to know who I am without the built in excuse of immaturity, without the buoyancy that is ignorance/innocence. Who is this woman who must wear a bra every day? Who is she whose sexual appetite has not waned but whose sexual activity has taken a nose dive? Who is she that is willing to accept the stigma of being a welfare recipient if it means I can be home for my son? I do not know this chic. But she is here every morning fretting about her weight and how to pay next month’s bills.  

Wii Workout

     When I started working out with the Wii, it rated me at the age of 70. The next time I was 67 and today 43. I am only 37 and really believed myself to be in reasonable shape. Ha! I think I will commit to three dance routines in the morning, that usually gets me sweating and feeling competitive/assertive enough to take on whatever challenges lay ahead in the day.

     I am making this commitment to myself to remain active because I can sit and read, eat, and take baths all day. I did that yesterday. Well, not quite. In my own defense, I also completed this week’s homework assignments and convinced Kal’el to eat one half of a peanut butter sandwich. That took 2 hours. I also did some writing toward 3 stories I intend to publish via Amazon later this year. I just have to find a balance between keeping my mind and body active. I also need to quit looking at the scale. I am 190 lbs. every time I check it.  Today is August the 8^th. I’ll put the scale away until September the 8^th. I'll peek at it through one eye on that date to see what progress I’ve made.

Week 4 of Cultural Anthropology is wearing me out!!

After reading these past two chapters in cultural anthropology, I have to wonder how it is possible that we don’t get it yet: Capitalism hurts/kills/decimates/reduces the humanity of the majority of the people it touches. If the word ‘socialism’ puts a bad taste in our collective mouth, then why not take a page from the marketing industry and call it something else? If we can call Kool-Aid, flavored water, if candy can be called fruit snacks, then why not call Socialism…oh I don’t know….Humanity over greed?

Wait. Let me pull back for a second. It is not simply greed that fuels capitalism it is fear. It is also the misguided notion of ‘other’. It seems we believe ourselves to be individuals in an absolute sense, as if there is some barrier, some space between you and I. There is not. I am not an anthropologist or a mathematician. I am only a human looking around. I have twenty four hours each day and a limited amount of energy. If I put all my resources into acquisition, then I am not maintaining.  I am not nurturing. I am not even culling what is no longer uselful. This is what we are doing. We are only pulling and storing, pulling and storing. We let food rot while people starve. We let houses sit empty while people freeze in the elements.

Did I miss something? It is possible that I missed something. Are human beings only driven by ambition and thus at risk of becoming lazy husks without the promise of out doing our neighbors? Or is that assumed personality trait a mistake? Has it been observed that all cultures desire ‘progress’ even at the cost of our sanity and community? If not, then maybe we should sit and listen to those, observe and take note of how to value each other.

 I keep reading ‘as above, so below’ in various books by authors who claim to have from one secret to seven, about spiritual enlightenment, but when will we actually look, underfoot, at the people(s) we are currently oppressing and displacing for a clue about how to live? Please know, I am not saying we have it All wrong, just that we have room to learn.